Reading Rolf (Yoga)

Do we stand in our own way?

2006-01-04T19:47:00.000-05:00

Day 16: Let us not love in word or speech but in deed and in truth

In other words, "all talk and no action" gets us nowhere.

Tomorrow, my journey with Meditations from the Mat will begin to explore the yamas, the "restraints" and the first limb of yoga.

I've always thought of the yamas as things I give up or stop myself from doing. I really like that in this passage, Rolf gives another perspective:

"It is important to remember that we are simply eliminating blocks to our progress and cultivating the energy we need for our spiritual growth."

And he reminds me that I am human, and that if I were perfect, I wouldn't need the yamas and niyamas. And because of this it is important to remember that practicing them will not be easy. And that I will not always succeed, and that this is alright.

And, you know, this passage really makes me feel a little less intimidated by the idea of truly embracing these limbs of my yoga practice. I am a perfectionist, and if I don't think I can do something perfectly, I rationalize reasons not to even try. Victory does not have to be perfect. I like that.

Love is not just a noun but a verb, it is an action. And as Rolf writes:

"...Each loving action that we take infuses us with more energy for loving action in the future."

photo by Beppie K

Digging Deepr

2006-01-03T21:43:00.000-05:00

Day 15: Half measures availed us nothing. -Alcoholics Anonymous

Today's entry couldn't have come at a better time for me. There are those who come to their yoga practice without a mature spiritual practice already in place. And for us, there is a missing piece. I nodded my head in recognization as Rolf described the desire for "more" that manifests itself as a desire for more postures, harder postures, more classes per week, more workshops, more teachers. He described it as a "restlessness"--I totally get that. I know exactly what he is talking about.

I came to yoga as a means of self-improvement. Project "me," so to speak. A new me. No more type A go-getter. The new me would be serene. No more running a thousand miles minute. The new me would hold each moment in my hands and appreciate it. I was ready to chuck the old me, and unwrap a whole new "me." Well, as you can imagine, that didn't work.

"What we need is not to dig a new well, but to dig even more deeply the well we are already in."

But Rolf points out that the secret to digging deeper are the yamas and the niyamas. I get that too. But it is one thing to acknowledge this--it is another to put it into practice.

To begin again

2006-01-02T22:13:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, I begin again...

The last few months have taken me away from my practice.

As I sat with a friend on my holiday trip, she asked me if there was anything I wanted a fresh start with in the New Year. My yoga journey tops the list.

See what you are looking at

2005-11-02T15:22:00.000-05:00

Day 15: A state in which the aspirant is one with the object of his meditation--BKS Iyengar, describing samadhi

Today's passage is about mindfulness. Awareness. Being present.

This is a perfect passage for me because my brain often lives in the future. Not in the distant future, but in the immediate future. 1 hour from now, 5 minutes from now...

In this passage, Rolf reminds me that my yoga practice is an opportunity to use my senses--sight, sound, sensation--to bring myself into the present.

dhristi (or gaze point) helps bring us into the moment. By mindfully establishing our gaze, we actually see what we are looking at.

"Our willingness to see what we are looking at allows us to perpetuate it."

photo by bichuas

It's not "all or nothing"

2005-11-01T12:02:00.000-05:00

Day 14: Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater--Old proverb

I am a perfectionist. I am also a procrastinator. I always thought that these two were dichotomous. But they are not. After researching ways to stem my procrastination (while procrastinating one day, of course), learned that the personality trait most shared by procrastinators is perfectionism. It turns out that perfectionist procrastinate because they fear that they will not be 100% successful at their task.

Today's passage is about the expectations we set for ourselves and how they impact our yoga practice. As we judge our efforts, we sabotage our yoga practice. When we can't live up to our own expectations, we often abandon yoga.

Rolf encourages us to give ourselves permission to be less than perfect in our yoga practice and to rest when we need to. By drawing back from a posture, we can even "rest" in a posture. This attitude can be carried off the mat.

"As a young man I would look in awe at older people around me who could sustan their effort at a job or a project over many years. I didn't realize that these men and women had learned to rest in the posture."

photo by Richard's Pics

"Spiritual practice is about turning on the light..."

2005-10-31T11:17:00.000-05:00

Day 13: The first step in this process of mindful awareness is radical self-acceptance--Stephen Batchelor

Today's passage is about self-acceptance. In order to grow, I must accept myself--warts and all. I'm surprised by how hard that is to do. And I am also surprised by how much I judge myself. I am much harder on myself than I am on anyone else. Things I accept in others, I don't accept in myself.

"For most of us--steeped as we are in the Judeo-Christian concepts of sin and guilt--our early efforts to examine our fear, pride, lust, ambition, avarice, perfectionism, or whatever else, are often sabotaged by our reaction to being human."

Rather than succumb to the tryanny of our own self-judgment, Rolf encourages us to observe our reactions with awareness, and let them go.

I'm not sure of how to do that, but just giving myself permission to do that lifts the burden a little bit...

photo by Richard's Pics

The Blog is back!

2005-10-31T11:16:00.000-05:00

2005-10-27T09:51:00.000-04:00

I've lost my copy of Meditations from the Mat! I'm suffering from withdrawl! I had it with me while I was studying out by the pond (I am in the middle of a series of grueling of grad school exams). The following morning when I looked for my book, I realized that I didn't have it. I went back down to the pond, but it wasn't there. I hope that it has found a good home, and that the person who found it, reads it.

So anyway, I'm going to purchase another copy this weekend. My local Barnes&Noble has a copy, and they are holding for me. Sigh....

So my blog will resume on Sunday. Nameste until then :-)

Casting Aside Judgement

2005-10-16T10:53:00.000-04:00

Day 12: Do everything with a mind that has let go.--John Chan

Yesterday's passage was about roadblocks that stand in our way because of the way we prioritize the things in our lives. Today's passage is about roadblocks that stand in our way because of pride and fear.

I've always been a bit of a type A personality. I'm used to succeeding. But, I also realize that I gravitate towards things I think I'll be good at, and I shy away from things that I don't know I can succeed at. So my "success" is often a product of playing it safe.

My yoga practice is a challenge for this reason. Some postures come easily to me. My hamstrings have always been nice and pliable. Prasarita Padottanasana A is a breeze. But my shoulders are really tight. So as I get closer to Prasarita Padottanasana C, I feel a bit of dread and nervousness. I think "I hate this pose. I can't wait until it is over!" and I count the moments until it is.

"When we opt out of experiences that challenge us, it's usually because our pride is in the way. And 'pride' is really another word for fear--the fear of not being enough."

I think this is really true. And I think that it isn't the pose that makes me uncomfortable, it is my judgement of my efforts that makes me feel this way. What if I were able to approach the pose without bringing my judgement with me? What if I were able to let the judgement go? What if I could look at the pose as an opportunity to grow?

"We become our own executioners when we sit in judgement of our efforts. Only when we act without judgement can we truly flourish in our lives."

I will bring these thoughts with me to the mat today.

photo by milopeng

What Are My Priorities?

2005-10-14T14:10:00.000-04:00

Day 11: The master sticks to her tools

When something is a priority, we don't let anything stand in our way. We make it happen.

One of the easiest examples of this is financial. I used to work for a theatre company. We funded our productions, in part, through ticket sales, and every year we undertook a subscription campaign whereby we would market "season tickets" to the theatre. For some, it was a no-brainer, they renewed their subscription every year. Some people didn't subscribe. And the #1 reason for not subscribing? "I can't afford it."

OK. On the face of it, that makes sense. Theatre is a luxury, it would be one of the first things to go if money was tight. But when we queried deeper, we found that a person who "couldn't afford" a $250 theatre subscription was shelling out $1000 a year for season tickets to the city's professional football games. It wasn't that they couldn't afford theatre tickets, it was that their priorities were elsewhere. Not only that, but a number of our subscribers were retired people on a fixed income who loved the theatre so much that they sacrificed other things in order to afford to subscribe. One word sums it up: Priority.

Priority is also a key factor in our spiritual yoga path. I know that I want to make my yoga practice an important part of my life. But how often do I let the challenges of everyday life get in the way? Staying late at work...cutting my morning practice short because of a morning deadline...skipping my practice altogether because a friend wants to talk about a problem. Obligations to work, our friends, our family. These are all important. I tell myself that because of these obligations, I "can't" practice. It isn't that I don't want to practice, I feel at the moment that my obligations stand in the way.

"Our practice is our shelter we build for our spiritual selves. It is the work that we do to safeguard and support the possibility of spiritual growth. The winds of life constantly wear away at this shelter, but if we stick to our tools, the shelter will hold."

After reading today's passage, I am reminded that this is not true. We make choices in out lives. We choose what our priorities are. We decide what is important.

photo by notmyown2k3

Who Moved My Cheese?

2005-10-12T11:11:00.000-04:00

Day 10

In this passage, Rolf revisits vairagya. On the face of it, renunciation would seem a sacrifice. And this surely is the way that I have been thinking of it as I ponder the concept. But, Rolf presents another perspective, and the passage came at the perfect time for me today.

"By the time we actually arrive at the decision to let go of something, we
shall 'be glad of another death.' When we are ready to let go, we will do so
with relief. We will experience renunciation not as death but as a birth."

Change is difficult. I know that I hold on to old behaviors because they are familar. Evne if they cause struggle, it is a struggle with which I am familar. When I let go of those behaviors and adopt new ones, I often ask myself "why didn't I do that sooner?" The answer, I think, is that I don't adopt new behaviors until I am ready. It reminds me of the book Who Moved My Cheese. Here is a synopsis from Amazon:

Change can be a blessing or a curse, depending on your perspective. The message of Who Moved My Cheese? is that all can come to see it as a blessing, if they understand the nature of cheese and the role it plays in their lives. Who Moved My Cheese? is a parable that takes place in a maze. Four beings live in that maze: Sniff and Scurry are mice--nonanalytical and nonjudgmental, they just want cheese and are willing to do whatever it takes to get it. Hem and Haw are "littlepeople," mouse-size humans who have an entirely different relationship with cheese. It's not just sustenance to them; it's their self-image. Their lives and belief systems are built around the cheese they've found. Most of us reading the story will see the cheese as something related to our livelihoods--our jobs, our career paths, the industries we work in--although it can stand for anything, from health to relationships. The point of the story is that we have to be alert to changes in the cheese, and be prepared to go running off in search of new sources of cheese when the cheese we have runs out.

In Good Times and in Bad

2005-10-10T14:05:00.000-04:00

Day 9: We are beaten and blown by the wind, blown by the wind, oh when I go there, I go there with you, it's all I can do.--U2

In today's selection, Rolf speaks to dedication and in the face of hard times. This is what Abhyasa is all about. And I must admit, in reading this selection, I am humbled, because, I truly don't feel that I am anywhere near posessing this kind of faith.

"I do believe abhyasa is not something we earn or achieve through force of will; rather, it is an innate human capacity that we awaken through practice, through our own willingness."

By practicing our yoga in good times, our yoga will be there for us in bad times.

photo by kk+

Less is More

2005-10-09T09:03:00.000-04:00

Day 8: Vairagya is the elimination of whatever hinders progress and refinement--B.K.S. Iyengar

Vairagya means to "let go" or to surrender. Coincidently today, Lauren Cahn (aka Yoga Chickie) speaks to this concept of surrender in her blog.

In today's selection from Meditations from the Mat, Rolf addresses our desire to accumulate rather than release...We hold on. And sometimes, this need to "hold on" stands in our way. Practicing yoga puts our obstacles in focus and helps us to release our grasp on them.

"So as we begin to live our yoga--there is a sense of liberation and lightness as we being to renounce the very things that have held us back."

As I come out of savasana, all seems so clear to me. The little things that don't matter fade into the distance, and the things that are important stand clearly before me. My brain feels light and clear...My mind a crisp blue sky.

Have you ever taken a vacation from work where you go away and relax? As you sit on the beach, so far from your everyday work grind, you gain new perspective. It is so obvious that the things that are so stressful, just aren't worth the agnst. You note that most of the time, you spend such a large amount of energy worrying about things that are just not important. You vow that when you return from your vacation, you will carry this newfound perspective with you. Everything will be different. You won't "sweat the small stuff"....

But within hours of returning to work, with phones ringing, emails arriving, and people inundating you with information--the beach becomes a distant memory, and you fall into all the old patterns....

The same thing happens to me when I leave the yoga mat. The clarity of mind I have enjoyed begins to fade--and before I know it, I am right back in those old patterns....

Vairagya is so simple. And so elusive.

photo by la femme jen

Change Begins in Our Own Hearts

2005-10-08T09:31:00.000-04:00

Day 7: Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, "Grow, grow."--The Talmud

There is so much suffering in the world. Violence, poverty, hunger, disease. Tsunami....hurricane....earthquake. And suffering in human hearts...disappointment, fear, sadness, heartbreak.

It can be overwhelming.

I am reminded of 15 year-old Indigo Girls song:

My life is part of the global life
I'd found myself becoming more immobile
When I'd think a little girl in the world can't do anything.
A distant nation my community
A street person my responsibility
If I have a care in the world I have a gift to bring.
--Hammer and Nail, Indigo Girls 1990

In today's selection, Rolf reminds us that before we make a difference in the world, we must address our own suffering.

"The truth is, when we are happy we spread happiness, and when we are in pain we spread suffering."

As the rain pounds against the roof, I lay down my mat to begin my morning practice.

photo by la femme jen

Yoga is My Map

2005-10-07T13:40:00.000-04:00

Day 6: If you do what you did, you get what you got--Anonymous

Vairagya (renunciation) and abhyasa (practice) are two aspects of spiritual practice. Building on the passage from yesterday, we are reminded to change unheathy and toxic patterns while developing new healthy nourishing ones. Our asana practice is a building block that helps us turn towards positive behavior in body and mind. Yesterday, I began to focuse on positive behavior as a way to turn away from negative behavior. Today Rolf reminds me that this alone will not be the solution. As supportive as our practice is to our efforts for renunciation, it is only a piece of the puzzle.

"These practices--asana and pranayama--suffuse us with the energy we need to take on the hard choices and to endure the inevitable highs and lows. What Yoga practice will not do, however, is take the place of the hard lessons each of us has to learn in order to grow spiritually."

A few years ago, as yoga really started to go mainstream, fueled by celebrity endorsement and commercialed new-age sensibilities, many of my yoga friends lamented the changing face of our yoga classes. Many discussions were had about the dilution of yoga...how it had become no more than a fitness fad...how so many people were coming to class merely because they wanted to look great in a bikini or lose 10 pounds. "They leave their yoga in the room when they roll up their mat and put their shoes on at the end of class," one friend told me. "They just don't get it." said another.

But I had a different perspective, because what I was too embarrassed to tell my friends at that moment, was that I, too, had originally come to yoga for the fitness benefits. I was impressed and inspired by the lean and flexible bodies of my friends who practiced yoga, and I wanted a body like that too. I had no interest in the spiritual journey beyond a nice side benefit of stress relief...But when I began to practice, something changed. Fitness motivated me to come to the mat for the first time. Yoga invited me to stay.

In his introduction to his book Asana: 608 Poses, Dharma Mittra speaks directly to my experience when he writes:

"Most people come to class to improve their figures. But as they practice they gradually and automatically start changing their ideas. They start thinking more about the spirit. Automatically it begins to have another effect, something that's learned less from thought than through experience"

I think that whatever brings us to the mat, our phyiscal practice sets us on a journey. A journey, as Dharma Mittra says, towards the truth. I have a long way to go, but at least I have a map.

photo by frabuleuse

What can I learn from the people around me?

2005-10-06T00:05:00.000-04:00

Day 5: When transgressions hinder, the weight of the imagination should be thrown on the other side.--The Yoga Sutras

We all have patterns in our lives. Some patterns result in wonderful, positive behavior...some patterns are not so positive. In fact, they are self-destructive in some way--however small.

So how do we change this behavior? How do we halt the patterns that lead to it?

By focusing on positive behaviors.

This is a light-bulb over my head. In practicing ahimsa (non-harming) for example, we can not merely resist falling into delf-destructive patterns. If we do this, we merely focus on those negative behaviors. Instead, we must turn away from those bad behaviors to focus on the positive ones.

"The Yoga Sutras suggest that we deliberately turn away from
the choice for death and embrace the choice for life."

I find that one of my negative behaviors is to be a "know it all." It is a pattern that I would like to break. That's for sure. I hear words coming out of my mouth in conversation, and it is as if I am hearing myself as a third-person, and I think "listen to that know-it-all! How annoying." And no matter how much I try to break myself of that behavior, it always creeps back in...

In reading this passage this morning, I realize that the best way to break myself of this behavior is not to try to restrain myself from giving my opinion to everything--to restrain from trying to be the authority on all things. I've tried. It never seems to work because before I know it, I have fallen into those patterns again.

After reading this passage, I realize that instead of merely biting my tongue to "restrain" from this negative behavior, I should instead "turn my imagination to the other side" and ask myself "what can I learn from others?"

I will place this phrase on a post-it and put it in my datebook, and on my computer at work.

What can I learn from the people around me?....Even asking that question now makes me more curious about what lays ahead for me today and puts a smile on my face.

Pushing Off from the Shore

2005-10-04T12:40:00.000-04:00

Day 4: We are the ones we've been waiting for--Hopi elder

Rolf encourages us to go with the flow. In our yoga practice, we enter unchartered waters. Our desire to be in control at every moment--over everything--can stand in our way.

"Get out of the driver's seat for a while and enjoy the scenery. Let the river of yoga take you where it will."

It is so easy to struggle against the tide isn't it?--To impose our own ideals on our practice...Our own agenda--to try to control and manipulate. By floating down the river, we give ourselves over to the rhythm of our heart and our breath, we experience each moment as it comes rather than writing a script to follow. For the inner control-freak in many of us, there is something a little unsettling about that because when we strive to control every outcome, we also judge our performance. By surrendering to the flow of the river, we also abandon our judgement, and cast-off into the great unknown.

photo by j o s h

All at Once

2005-10-03T08:59:00.000-04:00

Day 3: Everything all the time --The Eagles

The eight limbs of yoga seem to build upon one another--beginning with the yamas and arriving at samadhi. But Rolf reminds us that we need to work the entire path all at once. And our asana practice gives us the opportunity to do this.

"Each time we come to the mat, we have an opportunity to work the entire path, moment by moment"

For me, it is a case of "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" On the one hand, when we come to the mat, we want to be in the moment...to focus and concentrate...to let go of our preconceptions so that we may be free to develop our physical practice. Yet, it is our daily asana practice that helps us develop our ability to be present, to focus, to concentrate, to accept ourselves as we are....

photo by milopeng

The Eight Limbs of Yoga

2005-10-02T10:07:00.000-04:00

Day 2: Burning zeal in practice, self-study and study of scriptures, and surrender to God are the acts of yoga--B.K.S Iyengar

The Eight Limbs of Yoga:
Yamas (moral restraints)
Niyamas (moral observances)
Asana (physical postures)
Pranayama (breath)
Pratyahara (withdrawl of senses)
Dharana (concentration, focus)
Dhtana (meditation)
Samadhi (ecstasy)

Rolf explains that the eight limb are a map which we follow on a journey---a journey that is more important than the destination.

"We must simply remain open to our own spiritual potential and be willing to take action on our own behalf"

Living in the moment is very challenging (at least for me). I am always thinking about the next moment, or the next day. My mind is always on my goals. On the next step....

Day 1: He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils; for time is the greatest innovator--Sir Francis Bacon

2005-10-01T13:28:00.000-04:00

Part One of this book is entitled The Beginning and encompasses the first 59 days of the year.

In the introduction to this book, Rolf explains that the flow of the book will follow the course of Patanjali's Yoga Sutras. For some reason, I am terribly intimidated by them, so the volumn sits smuggly on my shelf. I hope that after spending the year with Meditations from the Mat. I will feel ready to dive into the Yoga Sutras.

This first essay addresses the motivation we have to begin a yoga practice. Rolf explains that our hunger for yoga is a testament to our growth and our desire to change....

For many people, myself included, yoga is attractive because it appeals to our desire to become "better", "stronger"--to move towards a perfect version of ourselves. We are part of a society obsessed with self-improvement. From self-help books, to Dr. Phil, to "Extreme Makeover", we are attracted like moths to a flame of an idea that if we buy that book, or take Dr. Phil's advice, we can become "new and improved". By doing so, we will land that coveted job or be worthy of the love and respect of others. But all of our desires to become "better" or "smarter", "thinner" or "prettier" takes us farther and farther from our authentic self, and in our efforts to improve, we travel away from self-acceptance and peace. We are strangers to ourselves.

"At a time when we could not feel further from our home, yoga reminds us that we are already there, that we need simply awaken from our dream of separation, our dream of imperfection."

Rolf writes that we are far from home and in the darkness, but that yoga can be the "lamp lit in the window" of our home...ourselves.

Ironically, we come to yoga in the quest for perfection, but through our yoga practice, we learn that our perfect self already resides within us and speaks to us, if we can create the space, quiet, and ease with which to listen.

photo by Mahks

Embarking on my year with the book "Meditations from the Mat"

2005-10-01T02:08:00.000-04:00

My shelves are filled with books that I have not had time to read. Fiction, non-fiction...You name it. I've got it. I even have a couple of novels sitting on my nightstand waiting patiently for me to take them up and turn the cover page. For 3 years now, I've also been meaning to spend time with a book on my shelf entitled Meditations from the Mat: Daily Reflections on the Path to Yoga by Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison. I've picked it up and read various passages, but haven't committed myself to read it from beginning to end until now. Katrina Kenison, a writer and editor has helped Rolf Gates communicate his ideas in the book. Rolf is a yoga instructor who has even spent some time, right here, in Amherst. He is based in Boston and teaches a style of yoga called Vinyasa Yoga. Initially an instructor at Baron Baptiste's studio in Cambridge, MA, Rolf is a gifted yogi who now has his own studio in Boston. One of his strengths as a yoga teacher, is his ability to make this 2500 year-old practice more accessible. By accessible, I mean that he turns people on to yoga who may never have been attracted to it before. A one-time airborne ranger, EMT, and substance abuse counselor to teenagers, Rolf applies the 8 limbs of yoga to our everyday lives in a way that is honest, unpretentious, and poetic all at the same time. One of the things that I am excited about as I anticipate reading this book, is that it especially well-suited to accomodate my need to digest the material in small bite-sized pieces. This 415-page book is broken up into 365 managable passages. My intention is to read the book over the course of a year and to record my reflections here.