Do we stand in our own way?

Day 16: Let us not love in word or speech but in deed and in truth

In other words, "all talk and no action" gets us nowhere.

Tomorrow, my journey with Meditations from the Mat will begin to explore the yamas, the "restraints" and the first limb of yoga.

I've always thought of the yamas as things I give up or stop myself from doing. I really like that in this passage, Rolf gives another perspective:

"It is important to remember that we are simply eliminating blocks to our progress and cultivating the energy we need for our spiritual growth."

And he reminds me that I am human, and that if I were perfect, I wouldn't need the yamas and niyamas. And because of this it is important to remember that practicing them will not be easy. And that I will not always succeed, and that this is alright.

And, you know, this passage really makes me feel a little less intimidated by the idea of truly embracing these limbs of my yoga practice. I am a perfectionist, and if I don't think I can do something perfectly, I rationalize reasons not to even try. Victory does not have to be perfect. I like that.

Love is not just a noun but a verb, it is an action. And as Rolf writes:

"...Each loving action that we take infuses us with more energy for loving action in the future."

photo by Beppie K

Digging Deepr

Day 15: Half measures availed us nothing. -Alcoholics Anonymous

Today's entry couldn't have come at a better time for me. There are those who come to their yoga practice without a mature spiritual practice already in place. And for us, there is a missing piece. I nodded my head in recognization as Rolf described the desire for "more" that manifests itself as a desire for more postures, harder postures, more classes per week, more workshops, more teachers. He described it as a "restlessness"--I totally get that. I know exactly what he is talking about.

I came to yoga as a means of self-improvement. Project "me," so to speak. A new me. No more type A go-getter. The new me would be serene. No more running a thousand miles minute. The new me would hold each moment in my hands and appreciate it. I was ready to chuck the old me, and unwrap a whole new "me." Well, as you can imagine, that didn't work.

"What we need is not to dig a new well, but to dig even more deeply the well we are already in."

But Rolf points out that the secret to digging deeper are the yamas and the niyamas. I get that too. But it is one thing to acknowledge this--it is another to put it into practice.

To begin again

Tomorrow, I begin again...

The last few months have taken me away from my practice.

As I sat with a friend on my holiday trip, she asked me if there was anything I wanted a fresh start with in the New Year. My yoga journey tops the list.

See what you are looking at

Day 15: A state in which the aspirant is one with the object of his meditation--BKS Iyengar, describing samadhi

Today's passage is about mindfulness. Awareness. Being present.

This is a perfect passage for me because my brain often lives in the future. Not in the distant future, but in the immediate future. 1 hour from now, 5 minutes from now...

In this passage, Rolf reminds me that my yoga practice is an opportunity to use my senses--sight, sound, sensation--to bring myself into the present.

dhristi (or gaze point) helps bring us into the moment. By mindfully establishing our gaze, we actually see what we are looking at.

"Our willingness to see what we are looking at allows us to perpetuate it."

photo by bichuas

It's not "all or nothing"

Day 14: Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater--Old proverb

I am a perfectionist. I am also a procrastinator. I always thought that these two were dichotomous. But they are not. After researching ways to stem my procrastination (while procrastinating one day, of course), learned that the personality trait most shared by procrastinators is perfectionism. It turns out that perfectionist procrastinate because they fear that they will not be 100% successful at their task.

Today's passage is about the expectations we set for ourselves and how they impact our yoga practice. As we judge our efforts, we sabotage our yoga practice. When we can't live up to our own expectations, we often abandon yoga.

Rolf encourages us to give ourselves permission to be less than perfect in our yoga practice and to rest when we need to. By drawing back from a posture, we can even "rest" in a posture. This attitude can be carried off the mat.

"As a young man I would look in awe at older people around me who could sustan their effort at a job or a project over many years. I didn't realize that these men and women had learned to rest in the posture."

photo by Richard's Pics

"Spiritual practice is about turning on the light..."

Day 13: The first step in this process of mindful awareness is radical self-acceptance--Stephen Batchelor

Today's passage is about self-acceptance. In order to grow, I must accept myself--warts and all. I'm surprised by how hard that is to do. And I am also surprised by how much I judge myself. I am much harder on myself than I am on anyone else. Things I accept in others, I don't accept in myself.

"For most of us--steeped as we are in the Judeo-Christian concepts of sin and guilt--our early efforts to examine our fear, pride, lust, ambition, avarice, perfectionism, or whatever else, are often sabotaged by our reaction to being human."

Rather than succumb to the tryanny of our own self-judgment, Rolf encourages us to observe our reactions with awareness, and let them go.

I'm not sure of how to do that, but just giving myself permission to do that lifts the burden a little bit...

photo by Richard's Pics

The Blog is back!

I've lost my copy of Meditations from the Mat! I'm suffering from withdrawl! I had it with me while I was studying out by the pond (I am in the middle of a series of grueling of grad school exams). The following morning when I looked for my book, I realized that I didn't have it. I went back down to the pond, but it wasn't there. I hope that it has found a good home, and that the person who found it, reads it.

So anyway, I'm going to purchase another copy this weekend. My local Barnes&Noble has a copy, and they are holding for me. Sigh....

So my blog will resume on Sunday. Nameste until then :-)